So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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