I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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