I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
