Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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