Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
