I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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