I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize