I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
