This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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