he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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