I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Never underestimate the power of titties
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
