1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
