Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
50% drunk capacity currently
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
