Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
