I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
