Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
