New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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