I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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