dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
