just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize