I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
