I want to have your abortion
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
