did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
