I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
