i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize