I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
