i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
