Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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