I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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