david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize