Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
MIDGETS
????
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
