Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
