...so i touched it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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