Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
