I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
