you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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