3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
