From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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