So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
