At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
