at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
