I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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