Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
