Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
