What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize