Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize