i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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