my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
