a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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