WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
