How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
