fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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