Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
