i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
