is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
