My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
