I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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