turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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