I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
