I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
