Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
