I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
