I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We had to coat check the pizza.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
