Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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