I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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