im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
