If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
