i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
