dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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